The best psychic jokes

The best psychic jokes

The best Psychic jokes…

The World needs a laugh right now. I’m not sure these will help but here are the best psychic jokes ever… (maybe)

I regularly post on Facebook and Twitter and sometimes throw in a joke – some are brilliantly terrible, but I hope to at least make one person smile! Here, I have collected my favourites, I hope you enjoy.


Not to brag, but I have sychic powers (for example, right now you’re thinking ‘It’s psychic, you idiot’!)


Crystal Ball For Sale! £50, but you will haggle me down to £30


One of my friends started to work as a psychic, but he gave up… He couldn’t see any future in it


Where do fortune tellers dance? At the crystal ball


I will be posting telepathically later today. So if you think of something funny later, that was me


I punched a clairvoyant who was laughing at me once. I like to strike a happy medium


Where do fortune tellers go on vacation? Palm Springs

I saw this notice at a metaphysics shop the other day: ‘Out of body, will be back in 15 minutes’


Why did the psychic refuse to board the Titanic? Because it was too large, he wanted to board a medium ship


Did you hear about the psychic who was arrested for possession of marijuana? In his defence, he said he was ‘just a happy medium’


What did the client say to the funny tarot reader? You’re such a card


Did you hear about the woman who was told by a psychic that her husband would meet a violent end soon? She asked if she would be acquitted


What’s an astrologist’s favourite food? Dates


Did you hear about the man who was told by a psychic that lots of money was coming his way? He was hit by a Securicor truck that afternoon


What is a psychic’s favourite game? I spy with my third eye


What is the world’s longest astrology reading? I don’t know but it’s on a planetary scale


I’m thinking of getting a new car bumper sticker… It’ll say “Think ‘honk’ if you’re telepathic


What do you call a funny psychic? A comedium


I would of course like to apologise for most, if not all, of the above! I hope at least I raised a groan, or better still a smile.

Tony Hyland